It’s almost the new year! I hope 2017 has brought you happiness and good health and now you’re enjoying the excitement for all the wonders a new year will bring! If you’re getting married in 2018, this is going to be a memorable year for you! As I prepare to welcome in a new year, I thought it would be helpful to give some perspective in the way of “resolutions” to navigate the year ahead. I find there are similarities of how weddings are approached, and real life, some ways resulting in adding stress to the journey, some that alleviate it. Either way you go, you’re likely to have a beautiful day. But since the ride is so much longer than the day, it’s worth a little resolve to enjoy it, I think! So, grab your coffee and your fiancé, I’ve got some thoughts to share on just how to let your ride be one you want to enjoy.
Everyone is different with how they set goals, resolutions or yearly themes. I personally do a bit of it all! First, I choose one word to dedicate my year to, in the past I’ve chosen words like “stillness,” “balance,” “fearless,” “pure,” — this year it’s “release.”– in hopes that I will be a more care-free person, enjoying more freedom and peace letting go of the lesser things in life. A broad goal like this helps me keep perspective and as I apply it: I see positive, yet slow, change over the course of the year. It’s really cool.
I also love to set goals. I’ve gotten better at this over the years, it comes naturally to me to dream, but it’s taken a lot of focus and perseverance to make actionable goals. I’ve seen so much goodness come from goal setting, I encourage everyone to find something that works for them. Time is one of our greatest assets and it’s how we use time that shapes the scape of our lives. Goal setting and getting has helped me use time wisely and intentionally. Good stuff!
Resolutions on the other hand, they tend to scare me. They can be so extreme, unobtainable and well, intimidating. So I tended to not make resolutions for a long time, and then I broke it down for myself. It just means to decide with resolve. So I examine my habits, my lifestyle and behaviors and just ask: is there anything that I should resolve to do or not do to make life healthier or happier?
So how does this apply to weddings?! Weddings are this amazing, monumental and most of the time, consuming thing that sweeps into our lives, and then is gone in a flash! The journey is so much longer than the actual occurrence. So why let the journey go on auto-pilot, why not take time to gain some perspective and resolve to make the ride enjoyable for you both? If you don’t, you’ll function by default, and it will feel like your magical day is set up, potentially, in a way that could make you feel stressed, worried, nervous or miserable. Who wants that?! And who wants to take that journey with someone who is?! Here are some key things to resolve to set 2018 for success!
Resolve: Don’t sweat the small stuff.
It’s just not worth it! Find ways to laugh, laugh it all away, laugh it off! Smile more, giggle, tickle-fight, get obsessed with a favorite comedian, tell each other bad jokes– do all this often– especially when things seem particularly stressful or overwhelming. It may not change the circumstance, but it will alter your state of being for the better! Laughter is one of life’s greatest cures for whatever ails you!
It’s also important to gain perspective together. Almost everything about a wedding seems important. And a lot of it IS very important. But there’s a lot that seems important and it’s really not so much in the scheme of things. Sometimes it’s hard to differentiate between urgent and important. (Tip: Once you have your foundation set, until you get closer to the wedding day deadlines, most things are not truly urgent…) So when you’re presented with an obstacle that brings stress or confusion, sit down for a sec and decide how important it is. Is it small stuff? Then choose not to sweat it, maybe even let it go. If it’s big stuff, hunker down and make the right decision together. The big stuff is big enough that if you’ve already sweated out all the small stuff, the big stuff won’t get the full attention or energy it needs, and you’ll just get burnt out.
Resolve: Let go- but not of each other.
There’s a big scary “S” word that comes along with this resolution: Surrender. That crazy word can make us feel like we are out of control. But strangely, it tends to do the opposite for our circumstances. Control is a false confidence in many situations. We usually think we have more control than we really do, especially when it comes to a wedding day with so many variables– it IS absolutely IMPOSSIBLE to control every facet. It’s a lot easier to surrender when trust is present (hence, why it’s so important to chose a venue and vendors you trust explicitly). Try and loosen your grip on your wedding day so it has room to breathe. It’s never too soon or too late to practice: lean on your trusted advisors and professionals, and let go. Surprisingly, it’s a very powerful position to be in. I’ll be practicing this one lots this year, I’m sure!
You will quickly find that some of the demands can come as a conflict between you and your fiancé. Do not let anything come between you. Work through it together: sure, you can take time to think about it separately, you can procrastinate, you can agree to disagree– but eventually you’ll both need to take action on the demand. I encourage you to let these things, be it wedding decisions, navigating family dynamics, traditions, etc. be the CAUSE of bringing you closer together, instead of them being a brick in a wall you build between you. This is really great practice for that marriage thing you’re working towards!
Resolve: Celebrate little victories!
When you overcome an obstacle, find the perfect dress or suit, when you received your favorite item off the registry, when your parents finally had an adult conversation together, when you’ve written your vows– whatever makes you feel like a rockstar– pop the bubbly!
Finding excuses to celebrate along the way will make the ride so much more enjoyable! It will also extend the journey in memorable ways– instead of it feeling like a blur– you’ll remember those moments and how they all led up to the greatest of victories, your wedding day!
This is something I’ve been trying to incorporate in my personal life for years, and I’m just getting the hang of it! It really does slow down the rush of time and brings closure to something I’ve been working towards. The next thing can wait for a moment while you have a happy dance together!
Resolve: Initiate Romance.
In this age, we are usually a working couple, both having a full time job and managing planning a wedding at the same time. Some days you’ll feel like you have 2 full time jobs! Business and the hustle can easily distract you, and guess what? Real life doesn’t stop either! Obsession is pretty common in the wedding planning process and can really pull you away from giving each other the attention you gave each other pre-engagement.
So stop the crazy train. Get off and go on a date. Make a fancy meal on a Wednesday just because. Sit on the couch and don’t turn on the tv for a half hour longer. Write a love note and tuck it in a surprising place. Don’t talk about your wedding for a day or two. Go on a hike and forget about the world for a while. Whatever you need to do to initiate getting your eyes, ears, lips and heart back to each other, do it. Don’t be strangers when you meet each other at the altar.
Resolve: Fix your eyes & prioritize!
(Yes, I HAD to rhyme there!) Without priorities we lose sight quickly of the most important things. So while you’re here, jot down the things that matter to you both– matter more than a sunny wedding day or whether dad behaves during his toast. What dreams do you cherish? What element of your home-culture is top of the list? What won’t you compromise when things get tough?
Put them in a place you’ll see often, so when things get sticky or funky or rough, you can look at it and get your perspective reset. Take time to look at each other as well. I know that sounds funny– but we all find a sense of “home” or “peace” or “center” when we’re with our favorite person on earth. Sometimes all you need in the midst of chaos is to literally look at each other and just be.
I say working on any resolutions calls for champagne!
Celebrate getting this far in the process, celebrate getting to the year of your wedding, celebrate letting go of what might have been a fabulous 2017, celebrate your love and the promise of a new year ahead. There’s so much to celebrate, you just don’t have a good excuse not to!
Happy New Year to you almost Newlyweds! I hope these little pearls of wisdom help your ride to be loving, celebratory, intentional and down-right fun! Cheers!